Armin's Best Plan Yet
by Tono Radish
Summary: It's a little on the crack side... okay a lot... But it's simple really... At least when it comes to killing a titan.
1. Armin's Best Plan Yet

**Armin's Best Plan Yet**

The time had at long last come. These were the facts, if Humanity couldn't find a trump card then they'd be done for. And then it happened, in the blink of an eye, it came to him. He was helpless, and weak, and dependent, and above all a bottom. His name was Armin, but this little puff was about to have his time to shine. He was about to come up with the greatest freaking plan ever.

"… Titans… only attack humans…"

The others looked to the blonde, waiting to hear what great spews of revelation were to come out of his mouth this time. He stuttered. A habit he had yet to get rid of even though his worth and confidence were quietly rising since his first appearance.

"T- Titans only attack humans!"

They stared, so what of this little fact? It was common knowledge that titans only cared for humans. Cared isn't the right word… more like Hunted.

"I understand now, I know what we have to do! It's going to sound crazy but I'm certain that with this plan we can kill off every titan… oh except you Erin!"

Mikasa nodded in approval of that last statement, "Alright Armin, what's your plan?"

"KILL… TITANS!" Howled Erin in happiness, "JUST TELL US WHAT TO DO!"

Armin smiled, having not only the support of his friends but also the rest of the survey corps.

After all the preparations were made the main cast went into the woods.

"I can't believe we have to do this," Jean moaned.

"Shut up, or you'll blow our cover," hissed Erin.

"Yeah but… at least you're in the front…" he whispered with coward swag.

Zoom out slightly and you'll see a deer skin costume with two soldiers hiding inside. Yes… they were all dressed as animals and covered in animal pee to hide their sent. It sounded crazy, but Titans walked by them completely.

"I wanted to be with Erin," whispered Mikasa.

"At least with me you won't die," replied Levi in the back of the bear costume.

They continued walking until it became a little too much.

"That's it, I smell awful, and I'm dying in this filthy animal corpse! I need soap! I need disinfectant! I need LYSOL AND PURELL!"

It was then the titan looked at the bear, cover blown. It was then the other animals swooped into action with their Three Dimensional Maneuver Gear! It was like all of the woodland critters coming to snow white's aid in that one Disney movie.

Levi and Mikasa ripped apart their bearskin and started swooping down to kill the titans! It worked. Not a single drop of human blood was shed that day. And so for the next few months they continued with this attack plan, always having the element of surprise on their side. Eventually all the titans, except for Erin, were killed and there was only one problem left to deal with:

Should Erin be with Mikasa or Armin?

The answer to that comes with Armin's second best plan ever…

**Yay! Okay so I was watching the show with my younger bro and this came to mind so I smoked some crack and jumped onto the closest computer (I still don't have mine back). If you want my ships? I ship Erin with Armin when Erin is a human and I ship Erin with Mikasa when he's a titan… don't question me…**


	2. Armin's Second Best Plan Ever

**Hey guys this was going to be a one shot but here's the next installment I randomly just came up with. Read and Review yeah!**

Did I say that Erin's ship came with Armin's second best plan ever? Yeah… no. There was one beautiful son of a bitch Armin had not prepared for. Yes he was the suave, sophisticated, clean, magnificent black haired shrimp captain of every fan-girl's wet dreams. Captain Levi. They sang his praises in the street; he was the greatest titan slayer, and Erin's personal hero… and mine but that isn't important.

Armin banged his head against a wall and contemplated killing himself with the gas they used for 3D gear, which they no longer used since there were no more titans. Still he realized that the gas was not toxic and had to come up with a new plan. He's so helpless, what does he have on Captain Levi, other than like being a whole head taller? He sulked, and looked out the window. There was Captain Levi, actually bothering to train someone in the fields… wait… is that someone Eren? THAT SOMEONE IS EREN!? Armin choked on the air around him when he Levi's eyes turn to him from far away. They made eye contact from 20 meters apart. Oh my god, Levi was laughing at him, you could see it, from twenty meters away, in the not only short tempered but short in statured captain!?

Armin thought about it. Would he want to be helpless again? Would he want this to be like the time where Santa Titan was going to eat him and he had to wait for Eren to save him? No, this time Eren couldn't save him. This time it wasn't up to Eren. This time mothing yaoi fluffing Armin was going to have to step up and be a man. Armin, screw wiping out the titans, this defining moment in your mixed up love triangle square thing will be your time to shine. Take down any love rival that tries to get in your way. You must have the passion of a thousand Erens slaying a thousand titans and even then some.

"Kill them… Kill them all…"

And then Armin calmed down because logically he lacked the physical and mental strength to kill other people. Nope, this was a problem he would have to work out using the only muscle he has…. His brain. Go him. But how? He was going to have to work really fast because right now it looks like Levi is even faster.

"Mikasa Banderu!" He called out.

Suddenly from the rafters a beautiful Japanese woman swung down from the rafters, "you called?"

"Look outside. Do you see that shrimp captain? You must help me stop them!"

"All I see is training."

And then Levi looked over at the two of them watching from twenty meters away and smirked like a bastard.

"OH F43K HIM!" Yelled Armin a little too loudly.

Mikasa looked back to Armin, "What was that?"

"Levi is trying to get all up in my- your Eren! We have to stop him!"

"Do you just say _your_ Eren?"

"What? Pshhh! No!?"

"Armin… I don't like you drooling all over my precious bb, but for the time being I'll team up with you because… compared to anyone you are not a threat. Let's take down captain Levi and then we can talk over your terms of surrender to the Erkasa ship."

"Mikasa that's a little too cruel…"

"See this scarf? Do you _see _this scarf?"

"… I understand…"

"Damn right, besides Eren doesn't go for the weak and pointless and spineless and useless type." (She's being extra mean to claim her terf.)

"Did someone say beautiful mascot of the military police," said Jean like a woos walking in.

"Jean you know those troops were disbanded after the fall of the titans and the walls."

"Mmmm Whatever. So, Mikasa, you wanna ditch the squirt and run off to share some pasta until we each get the same noodle and go for until our lips meet? Yeah you do."

"Sorry, my tastes are the same as Eren's."

"And you should go hit up Marco's Pizza, hear a whole pie is _half _off," added Armin.

Jean just walked away crying.

"Okay Armin, so what's your plan?"

Amrin grinned, "I got this."

He told his idea to Mikasa.

"Okay, that's stupid."

"But the animal costume thing… you had no objection to that?"

"I thought I was going to be with Eren…."

"As if I'd give you that one up- I mean Jean was the one that come up with the teams!"

"Well Jean is about as threatening as you, so he can live… for now."

"Come on Mikasa, it's the best I can come up with right now."

"Fine fine… but it's still stupid."

"Not as stupid as captain Levi!"

"Haha, yeah, they should just call him captain stupid," groaned Mikasa darkly, "Kill them… kill all the Levi…. Kill…"

"And now I see how you and Eren might be related…"

**So I usually ship Armin with Eren… but I've been readings ome Levi X Eren fanfiction… and it's taken over my life…. Tune in next time in Armin's Finest Hour! Read and review!**


	3. Armin's Finest Hour

**Alright! The exciting conclusion to my pot boiler fic for Attack on Titan!**

Mikasa trailed after Armin, not what she was used to but whatever. They were going to see Dr. Hanji, who may or may not still be grieving over the loss of all the titans (except Eren). Armin's plan was relatively simple. The hardest part would be finding a way to convince Hanji to help them since this might be Illegal… okay this is definitely illegal.

"Hey Hanji," he started casually and cautiously as he entered.

Both he and Mikasa were surprised, she wasn't sulking or crying or hysterical or anything. She was just sitting at a table with a blanket over her legs, sipping tea while looking out a window.

"Oh hello Armin, Mikasa, how are the two of you?"

It was freaky to say the least.

"Oh, uh, we're fine… you seem to be fine… as well?"

"Yes well… eventually they were all going to have to go anyway. There was nothing I could do. Even with all of my knowledge and power I was unable to protect them. It's Bean all over again…"

She continued to ramble.

"Her nerves are shot," said Mikasa robotically.

Armin was glad, this is exactly what he was hoping for, he felt like Lelouch, "Hanji, do you think you could make a Titan?"

"TITANS ARE MY TRIGGER," She screamed starting to cry and throw things.

"I mean someone made Eren, so why not make friendly titans?"

Hanji lifted her head and the glint of light turned the lenses of her glasses white, "Well actually I was planning on doing something like that anyway. You see I would like to become a titan and study myself. I have a formula but it hasn't been tested… Hahaha! And no way am I testing myself!"

Armin laughed, "That's fine, that's fine. In fact I have just the test subject for you…"

"Armin maybe we shouldn't," said Mikasa quietly.

Armin laid out a portion of the plan. He made it seem like it was just a friendly suggestion.

"How would I get him to willingly accept the injection," Hanji asked.

"Just say it'll make him taller."

"OH THAT'LL WORK! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Cut to Levi sitting in Hanji's office.

"This better be important, I was in the middle of something."

"You can go back to courting trouble later. Look I've… got this injection."

"What about it?"

"I made it especially for you! Yes, uhhh, haha! It'll make you taller?"

Levi made a very angry face and ripped his sleeve off at the same time, "Put it in."

"I'll ignore the obvious joke," she said readying the needle.

Armin went running with tears in his eyes to the training ground, "Eren! Eren!"

"Oh! Hey Armin, Levi's been showing me some awesome tricks and fighting techniques. Isn't he cool?"

Mikasa came out of the ground and grabbed onto Eren's ankle, "WOAH WHAT!?"

Mikasa rose from the ground with a dark shadow surrounding her, "There's a titan."

Eren, "what!?"

Armin, "Kill it Go Titan and Kill! Kill! Kill!"

Eren, "You know I really don't want to go Titan…. Titan… TITAN! TITANS ARE MY TRIGGER!"

Eren bit down on his hand and went super nova and become a titan once more. Across the training field there was a new unidentified titan. He was really handsome and cool looking but… he was kind of short for a titan? He roared and was chasing Dr. Hanji.

Eren ran at the unidentified titan. He bashed right into its angry face. He turned, saw Eren, assessed the situation and ran after Eren. The fighting style was familiar. Actually the new Titan seemed to be familiar with Eren's style of fighting and even Eren had a bit of Déjà vu fighting the new beast. And then it happened. He struck Eren and made the boy titan wannabe fall to his knees and then he kicked him in the face. So calm, so graceful. Eren knew who this titan was, but how did he come to be? The answer came when he fixed his vision of Hanji. Still the chance to beat the crap out of Levi didn't come everyday… Oh yes.

Eren took this fight into the forest with the bog ass trees. They rolled around and scrapped for hours, no one wanted to mess with their titan powers. Yes it rhymed. Finally they came back, two titans holding hands and skipping around. They turned human again.

Levi grabs Hanji and kicks her face in, "WHAT WAS THAT!?"

"I-IT WASN'T MY FAULT! I JUST WANTED TO SEE THE TITANS AGAIN AND ARMIN SAID-"

"Armin," Levi echoed.

The short, menacing, captain approached the cowering taller blonde.

"Armin," he said again with Eren in tow.

Armin turned to Mikasa for help, but all that was there was a note that said, 'told ya so.' Armin fell to his knees. Today… he was going to die.

"Why did you do that," scolded Eren, "You know Titans are my tigger!?"

"I- I- I just… I just wanted you to love me Eren! I didn't want you to leave me, not again!"

Mikasa came back out of the dirt, "DIE!"

She started beating up Armin and Levi joined in just because. When his face was black and blue Eren shoved them both off, "Armin don't be stupid! Of course I love you, I've always loved you."

"Y- You," he spit out some teeth and smiled, "You do?"

Mikasa punched him again.

"Yeah, we've been_ friends_ for years, and you helped me wipe out the titans without having to become one. I love you man, you're a true _friend._ No one could ask for a better _friend._ I hope in the next life we're _friends _again buddy."

And then Levi walked over to Eren and put his arm around his waist.

"And I love Levi too," Eren smiled, "But in a totally different, romantic, and passionate way. Actually I'm glad you turned him into a titan, otherwise I never would have realized my deep, underlying, romantic, passionate feelings for him."

And then Levi got on one knee, "Let's get married!"

"Oh Levi! I didn't think you could get any shorter!"

Hanji screamed, "THIS WILL REPLACE MY PASSION FOR TITANS!"

Mikasa punched Armin again and The End.

**Yay! Crack fic is done!**


End file.
